Archive: when we approach the limit of love

(Written: October 3rd, 2009)

when we look at limits, it's always like..
we try to approach the value of f(x) at the point a where f(a) doesn't exist but you still wanna know how the function behaves at that point.
and when we try to approach infinity, you try to foresee how the function goes.

but it's not only math, sometimes.
maybe that's how we should think about love too.
time is a constantly moving independent function.
we can move faster enough to experience time dilation, like time moves slower, so we can grow up in a slower pace. but we can never see the future as we cannot move faster than the speed of light.
meaning that we can never see how our life as a function of x(t) goes.
when we are in a relationship, we try to say forever, and talk about limits of x(t) when t approaches infinity..
but when x(t) doesn't exist at that point yet because t is still now but not later, how can we make that kind of prediction?
i used to make this mistake by approximating x(t) in the wrong manner.
perhaps we shouldn't just stare at the equation and try to simplify it into a function with a known limit. life is too complicated than that. too many variables.
how depressing.
but well, sometimes.. math does give you an answer, kind of.
i would say linear approximation is the answer for me for now. at least it gives me a value.

linear approximation is taking the tangent at a current point and draw a tangent line and plug in the time t you wanna know, and you get your predicted future.
hopefully at some time t near enough to infinity, you can actually predict your forever.
like L(t) = x(now) + x'(now)*(future - now),
with (future - now) small enough, L(t) should be pretty precise.
although using the tangent at now will certainly give me a wrong value of x(t) with t approaches infinity,
because the slope at now is certainly not the exact one, with me constantly changing my ideas of life.
but for now, i'm happy with my linear approximation.
because i can only fix what's wrong now, and deal with the present.
using linear approximation i can predict how my changes of decision can affect my future.
and i have faith that, by taking enough tangents, i would be consistently self-evaluating, and work my way into the future.
so does my relationship.
maybe at that distant time t heading into infinity, when i look back, all of my tangents will also fail to project the real value.
but we do make the effort to make it work.
no matter we work out or not, in the far future, we're linear approximating. and math never fails.
maybe we're skillful enough to predict the right value at a time t'. we never know.

what i'm trying to say is,
we should stop talking about the future without taking all the variables into account.
it's not like i don't wanna just look into it and dream about a wonderful future.
but future is no way near when you dream, it's only a little bit nearer when you try to clear of the obstacles so that you can move forward.
i don't know whether i'm doing it right, but i'm trying to. or we're trying to.

Archive: on this random thursday

(Written: September 17th, 2009)

what i wanna do is to study hard.
from dialects to cross products to tossing coins to ether wind.
there is nothing that can distract me.
i will be as focused as how i've been doing math for 2 weeks.
seek for answers, look for questions.

dip myself into the pascal triangle mod 7.
i might actually feel better.
i might, i might.
or i never will.

this is tearful and unpredictable.
but that's why i understand how much our lives matter to us, in different ways.
and that's why i am letting you go.

Archive: When I have a dream..

(Written: October 8th, 2008)

Finally, I found my dream.
I wanna be somewhere I love, where I belong.
But my dream is never easy.
It requires adversity, courage, and determination, which I never have.
Days are counting down, time is walking away.
When that day comes, I will cry, either in agonizing pain or cheering smile.
All it depends on me now.
 
No matter how far should I go to get it, I won't give up.
Because I know the consequences of losing it.
It's the last thing that I want, more than anything.
 
 
 
*IT'S NOT ABOUT MY RELATIONSHIP.

Archive: analyzing love

(written: June 12th, 2008)

i finally figured out that when u became noble gas, the bond between is only instantaneous dipole-induced dipole interaction.
we are attached to each other only when u have fluctuation of electron clouds.

or..
maybe i'm radioactive that's why it hurts so much.